Here's some funny quotes to think about

-When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

-It's difficult to understand how a cemetary can raise its burial costs and blame it on the cost of living.

-Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.

-If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

-Aunti Em: hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. -Dorothy

-We have enough youth; how about a fountain of smart?

-What happens if you get scared to death twice?

-The next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water.

-I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

-If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

-We spend the first 18 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 18 years telling them to sit down and be quiet.

-Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

-Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

-If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.